Exeter College Advertisement

On hearing I went to Exeter College, people often beam with delight and say something like ‘Oh Excellent! I went to Oxford too…’, before their faces fall when I explain that I went to Exeter College in Devon, rather than the Oxford College.

When wasting away time on Youtube this evening I was amused to find this Exeter College advertisement, made by my old associate Calumn Daly. Hopefully posting it will clear up any confusion about my educational background.

Sadly, this video was banned from being shown in college as it ‘portrayed lecturers as alcoholics, and the college in a negative light’.

‘With over a thousand students enrolled at the college and roughly 500 actually attending…’ has to be my favourite line!
Floreat Exon.

RIP Timothy Bateson

I was sorry to learn today that the actor Timothy Bateson died a couple of months ago at the age of 83.

The Guardian has a good obituary by Michael Coveney here.

Theatre buffs may remember Bateson’s name as he originated the role of Lucky in the 1955 British premiere of Beckett’s ‘Waiting for Godo’, and made a series of memorable appearances in television adaptations of Dickens novels. Although these were probably his most famous roles, Bateson had a very long and distinguished career, making his Shakespearian debut in ‘Twelth Night’ at the Old Vic in 1948, and providing the voice of Kreacher the house-elf in the film of ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’. He gave one of his final performances in Jonathan Miller’s production of ‘The Cherry Orchard’ at the Sheffield Crucible, in 2007, where I was interested to see his name on the billboards, although I sadly didn’t see the show.

I was particularly sorry to hear of Bateson’s passing as he was slightly connected to two of my childhood obsessions – ‘The Animals of Farthing Wood’, on my treasured casette tape of which he performed the whiney Measley, the hen-pecked husband of Weasel, and ‘Dad’s Army‘, where he featured in the pilot episode, as the comedy toff character Bracewell. (Reading his obituary shows there was little acting required to play a member of the upper-classes.) As DA trivia fans will know, Bracewell was unfortunately written out after one series, apparently because it was felt that their were too many principal characters in the show, and any upper-class comedy could be amply provided by John le Mesurier’s Sergeant Wilson.
Bateson did however make a cameo appearance in a later episode as another upper-crust character, Captain Turner.

Apparently as a committed Christian, he refused to make adverts promoting alcohol or cigarettes, which is a nice fact to end on in remembering an actor who provided entertainment to thousands, and hours of amusement to myself due to his talent for bringing anthropomorphic weasels to life.

CORRECTION: Apparently John Ringham not Timothy Bateson played Bracewell in Dad’s Army. I think I may have got confused with the Radio version in which Timothy Bateson may have played him? Unfortunately I don’t have my ‘A to Z of Dad’s Army’ with me to check. Apologies.

I can see Washington from my White House!

I’m a bit late on this one, but this’ll cheer you up if you haven’t seen it. The Daily Beast website has a leaked copy of Sarah Palin’s undelivered Victory speech from the 2008 Presidential election.

In the event her concession speech wasn’t delivered either, as the ‘maverick’ John McCain wouldn’t allow her to speak on election night, with relations between her and McCain aides apparently becoming so bad that they ‘literally turned the lights out on Palin when she retook the stage later that night to take pictures with her family, fearing that she would give the concession speech after all.’

The concession speech, penned by Palin speechwriter, Matthew Scully, is commendably magnanimous and unbitter with such generous lines as “It would be a happier night if elections were a test of valor and merit alone, but that is not for us to question now.”

The text of the speech we were spared, and some good background info for those who enjoy political gossip, can be found here.

Sheffield Town Takeover

One of my Trademark very long reports:

I’ve been walking around with a beatific smile on my face this week, as I keep thinking how delighted I am that the Sheffield ‘Town Takeover’ went so well.

Though I should write a quick note, before it entirely fades from my failing memory, to record what went on for those, who couldn’t be there, or the obsessively interested.

Basically Town Takeovers are a series of events taking place around the country organised by the National Union of Students, aimed at starting a debate around how Higher Education is funded, and making sure the general public are aware of the injustices and inequalities inherent in the current funding system of tuition fees, and the danger to students, Universities, and indeed society posed by suggestions of increasing tuition fees.
Holding events in towns around the country (although last time I checked London, Birmingham, Sheffield et al seemed to be cities…) also provides a good opportunity to hold MPs and would be MPs from all parties to account, and demanding to know their views on tuition fees. This is particularly important with a general election hoving into view, and the leadership of the main parties staying as weirdly silent as the P in pterodactyl on this issue.

In Sheffield, where the ‘Town Takeover’ was being organised jointed by Sheffield Students Union and Hallam Union, we decided it would be beneficial to particularly focus on how students and graduates are suffering from debt, which allowed us to have a nifty ‘In the Red’ theme. The event also gave us the chance to showcase some of the good things students do for Sheffield, after weeks of bad publicity for students, over what I’ll politely call ‘War Memorial Gate’.

The day started for me when I woke up with a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach, they I always associate with exams. I was worried that the event would turn out to be a hideous, humiliating disaster.
However, I resolved to try my best to prevent a smouldering disaster, and set off on a mad shopping spree, buying red cakes (Thank you post-Halloween reductions!), red sweets, red face paint, red hairspray, and a bag of I love Sheffield badges [Which later vanished – come on own up, who took them?].

Weighed down with my red shopping I quickly went home and changed into all the red clothes I could find – a hideous red jumper was donned, as was a women’s red coat borrowed from my friend Simon. I put on some red flares, which probably hadn’t been worn in public since c.1975. Unfortunately they were comically too long, and dragged along the wet ground. After a bit of walking on tiptoe I hit on the solution, and tucked the ends into my red-socks, golfer style. It looked as if I were singlehandedly trying to get ‘spats’ back in fashion. Somebody did comment that I looked like I’d stepped out of P.G.Wodehouse, but surely the idea that I’d ever be mistaken for an upper class twit is ridiculous…

I also found an old cherry red ‘Wes for Pres’ T-shirt leftover from Wes Streeting’s election as NUS President, which I pulled on, although I did notice that I’ve got too Wes T-shirts (from different elections) and both have the labels ripped out. I may be on the edge of uncovering a massive scandal. Why was this? Were they made by a particularly unethical company? Or worse by the same supplier used by the OIs?

After getting not a few odd glances in street, I arrived at the Union about 12, to help load placards and other protest paraphernalia into cars, and do a hasty bit of last minute promotion.
With the concourse full of students milling around, we thought it would be a good idea to stick I sign up in the Officers’ er Offices which overlooks it, to promote the event.

After hastily printing out some giant letters on A4 paper, Grace Crook and I started putting them in the windows – spelling the highly informative ‘4PM PEACE GARDENS STREET PARTY’, however we found our plan hampered by the fact that the windows already had giant posters depicting the Union Officers’ faces in them. Undaunted we began to take them down.
I swear when I took the poster of Martin Bailey down a cheer went up from the concourse, similar to the cheer when that Statue of Saddam Hussein was toppled.

Amy Sutherland’s office was locked but I managed to track down a key, and get it, which lead to the slightly awkward situation of Amy returning to find me in her office in the act of ripping down a poster of her.
Having put the sign in the window, we were then infuriated by the fact that none of the students walking past ever seemed to look up. I banged on the window trying to ignite a flicker of interest, while Amy commented mournfully ‘To be honest you could wave all day up here and no-body will ever notice you…’
Having done our best to plug the event to passing students, the Sabbs then headed down to Hallam, leaving me in charge of leading people down to the Town Hall where our protest, or ‘Street Party’ as we’d cleverly marketed it was to take place.

I’d sent out messages to various people saying we’d meet on the Concourse at 3pm. Predictably enough, 3 o’clock arrived and I waited, and waited, and waited.
Nobody turned up. Literally nobody. This wasn’t good. As someone who’s not the best at time keeping myself I decided I should wait until half past 3 before giving up.
I saw various people I know but no-one was particularly eager to go. Ben my former housemate wasn’t interested ‘Unlike you Joe, I actually do my work, so I need to do that tonight…’, and the Chair of the University Tories, was even more dismissive; ‘I’m not attending something organised by that Communist organisation! (NUS) Besides I’ve only got one red item of clothing – which is a tie – and even that’s burgundy!’

Eventually however, a friend of a friend did appear who wanted to come. I was delighted and he instantly became my new hero. We set off down to the Town Hall, with me still feeling pretty sick, as I’d hoped for rather more than one student to turn up.

Arriving at the Town Hall we found a hive of activity as the Sheffield and Hallam Officers bustled around with various protest props such as a string of debt with giant £50 notes which we strung up outside the Town Hall, to demonstrate the ridiculous amount of debt your ‘average’ student will get in from doing a degree, boards full of photos of students showing the amount of debt they’re in (not that we’ve ever used that idea before…), a giant sign reading ‘SAVE OUR STUDENTS’, various bill boards detailing all the positive things students do, a huge clump of coloured balloons which would have delighted me circa 15 years ago, and the placards made by Education Committee – including the one I made, which was derided by Neil Mackenzie as ‘Quite hilarious pathetic’.

Various familiar faces from NUS arrived. Aaron Porter strode up rather incongruously clutching a megaphone. Shane Chowen turned up full of enthusiasm despite knowing next to nothing about HE. Ed Marsh bravely donned a bizarre costume to help the cause. Most people I spoke to assumed it was a dog, although I think it looked most like some sort of Jewish Kangaroo. Anyway, Ed danced about gamely and gave sheets out to confused children, nobly humiliating himself in the name of a fairer HE funding system.

However, despite the abundance of placards, free stuff, and a giant Marshian kangaroo, there was still one tiny problem. As the event was scheduled to start I looked up to see Vic Langer bearing down on me, with an urgent query ‘Joe…where are the people?’

It was a good question. My stomach sank as I feared the Cassandra-like churnings of my stomach that morning had been right. This was going to be a poorly attended disaster.

Then suddenly there was a flash of red in the distance. I ignored it, assuming I was hallucinating, like a drowning man who sees a mirage in the desert. But when I glanced in that direction again it was still there, and was growing bigger. Soon a merry band of people dressed in eye-wateringly bright red were upon us, drawn from the ranks of Education Committee, other Union committees, and even some ordinary students. Our numbers had now swelled to about a hundred people and one kangaroo, which I thought was impressive given that darkness was descending and it was now absolutely freezing!

A few passersby had been politely taking our flyers, and expressing vague interest, but now a small crowd actually gathered to watch because the cheer leaders arrived! They put up the Arctic temperatures with only pom-poms for protection, and performed various death defying fetes such as throwing one of their number up in the air and catching them moments before they splatted on the pavement. Was it bad that I thought as Aaron and I watched in horror, ‘If they drop her at least we’ll certainly get on the news.’?
As it was, we did get on the news without the need for grotesque physical injuries, as various reporters did show up, and waited patiently to interview people and take photos. We had coverage in the Sheffield Star, Sheffield Telegraph, BBC Sheffield, and the Forge Press.

We took various photos with our Sheffield and Hallam foam hands, SAVE OUR STUDENTS signs, balls and chains of debt (I had tried to buy some handcuffs of the sort used by kids playing policemen for this, but in the end we used some link chain so I got tired of the odd looks I got from going into toy shops and asking ‘Er…Do you sell handcuffs? And if so would they fit adults?)

However, there was one aspect of the event which could safely be called a disaster – our giant globe. The giant globe is owned by Leeds Student Union, and has to be seen to be believed. Towering above even Paul Tobin, the giant inflatable globe, bearing some slogan like ‘World Class Funding for World Class Universities’ can be rolled along, and is a cast-iron guaranteed crowd puller.
I remember in a meeting when somebody asked why we needed a giant globe, I stared at them in amazement; ‘It’s a GIANT GLOBE, why would we not need it?!’ Anyway, after much cajoling Danni Beckett heroically drove to Leeds to collect it last week, and various Sabbs and students wrestled valiantly all through the morning to get it blown up and ready. However, as it was being rolled up from Hallam Union to the Town Hall, already attracting interested spectators – disaster struck!

‘Was it punctured?’ I hear you gasp, ‘Deflate?’, ‘Roll away?’, ‘Stolen by an opportunistic Bond villain?’ I’m afraid it was worse than that – it was stopped by a ‘City Centre Ambassador.’

For those of you lucky enough not to have encountered them, the Sheffield Ambassadors are basically a feral gang of blue-coated busy bodies of the sort who couldn’t progress in the Neighbourhood Watch, so need another avenue to pursue their dreams of self importance. They now roam the city centre proffering unwanted advice and generally making a nuisance of themselves. So as our globe was being wheeled along the street, bringing joy to the people of Sheffield, an ‘Ambassador’ suddenly popped up like an unwanted zit on a young girl’s face. Displaying a conspicuous lack of the sort of diplomatic skills Ambassadors should require she demanded we take the globe down. When asked why, she replied with thinly disguised glee that it was a matter of public safety. When we expressed polite scepticism towards someone who clearly contained more hot air than the globe, we were told to show more respect, as somebody had died in Sheffield as a result of an inflatable balloon before.

Now, I don’t wish to make light of the very serious issue of giant balloon-related deaths, but I will just say, nobody I spoke to, including the Leader of the Council, seemed to have any knowledge of this alleged tragedy. Sadly however the ‘’’’Ambassador’’’’ was insistent, so being good, law abiding students, we tragically had to deflate our globe. I think the people of Sheffield ought to know that we tried to bring them a giant globe, but were thwarted by the kill-joy, puritanical City Council. Please take this into account at the next elections – Sheffield City Council are against the Earth.

As Neil Mackenzie commented it was also ironic that the Ambassadors had a problem with a lovely inflatable globe, but not with the cheerleaders throwing each other into the earth with only concrete to break their fall.

But we made the best of a bad job, ending the protest with Aaron Porter making a stirring speech, like Olivier before Agincourt. We cheered Aaron, we booed the foul spectres of fee-demanding Vice Chancellors and the CBI, and we shouted some of Susan Nash’s chants (with their poor rhyme schemes) before breaking up, and in time honoured tradition with anything that relates to NUS, heading to the pub, before the Panel Debate later that evening.

One we’d finally found the pub we were looking for, we all had a nice drink together, warmed by alcohol and by our burning hatred of City Centre Ambassadors. Sadly my chief memory of this social occasion was accidentally getting some salt from a crisp in a cut on my hand. The pain was excruciating! I got the cut while removing a giant poster of Kate Rickard so I might consider suing the Union.

I then headed down to the station to collect President of the NUS, Wes Streeting, whom I assume had spent the afternoon in London, or perhaps more likely been on a very slow connecting train. There was a big football match kicking off in Sheffield later that evening, which meant that my lurid red clothing drew some cutting comments from discerning fashion critics amongst the Newcastle fans arriving.

When it got to 6.58, with the debate scheduled for 7, and there was no sign of Wes’ train, my stomach began to give of it’s ‘It’ll be a disaster!’ rumblings again, when Wes, beaming like the Teletubbies’ sun, came rushing down the main staircase.

We rushed through the dark streets of Sheffield, arriving at City Hall, where the debate was taking place to a gratifying round of applause. (I’m going to assume most of it was for me.)

The debate itself between Wes, Paul Blomfield, the Labour Candidate for Sheffield Central, Paul Scriven, the Liberal Democrat candidate for Sheffield Central and leader of the globe deflating Council, and Spencer Pitfield, the Conservative candidate for Penistone and Stocksbridge, went rather well in my biased Pollyanna opinion. Unlike this week’s Question Time, I wasn’t bored and was interested to hear everything the panellists had to say.

Wes began in true Dickensian style by telling us a tale of two cities, or rather of the social divisions between rich and poor in one city – Sheffield, and the effect this has on widening participation in higher education. He highlighted various depressing statistics about the differences in standards of living in the prosperous Parliamentary constituency of ‘Sheffield Hallam’, and in ‘Sheffield Hillsborough’, one of the poorest constituencies in the country. He also show-cased some even more worrying statistics about the differences between the cities two Universities, with Sheffield Central admitting many more privately educated students than Sheffield Hallam, and many fewer students from C2, D and E social groups. (‘Which used to be called the ‘working classes’, but apparently referring to people as numbers is less offensive…’)

This theme has also been taken up by Hillsborough MP David Blunkett, this week who’s commissioned a report on the inequalities between Hillsborough and Hallam, and, always one for a good headline, has suggested Hallam be detached from Sheffield for the City’s own good.
Wes also set out how he believed morally that Higher Education should be free, but given how unlikely it is that any parties are going to be progressive enough to offer this, NUS is advocating [what is basically] a graduate tax, which would be paid by graduates in proportion to what they earn after benefitting from Higher Education.

Spencer Pitfield the Conservative candidate talked about his parties stance on Higher Education, including David Willet’s recent welcome speech, in which he said the case hasn’t been made by Universities for charging £3000 worth of fees yet, let along lifting the cap and raising them.

However this did lead Paul Blomfield to point out that the Conservatives have been sending out rather mixed messages on this, with Mr. Willets previously hinting that fees would certainly rise under a conservative government. Dr. Pitfield then claimed this was one of the areas where the Conservative Party was willing to listen and had changed.

Dr. Pitfield also promised a Conservative government would take students views into account and wanted to ‘get NUS round the table’ when discussing Higher Education Funding. This seemed particularly topical with the Governments Review of Tuition Fees and Higher Education Funding finally being announced on Monday, so I asked a question later, on how precisely students could get involved with the debate, when the Government seems to give rather more weight to the views of Vice-Chancellors and the CBI et al at present. Dr. Pitfield gave an answer, which won’t be popular with some in the student moment, saying it was best for students to put direct action out of their minds, as you ‘don’t need to let it get to that stage’ if you ensure ‘NUS representatives are represented and listened by the Government’, and added that of course NUS should be represented on the Fees Review Board.

Paul Blomfield agreed, and quick as a flash the chair, Aaron Dimbleby, asked if he’d follow this up by writing to Lord Mandelson. Paul said he would.

Paul Blomfield himself said he campaigned within the Labour Party against tuition fees, and declared unequivocally that he would ‘Not vote to raise fees’. He also backed NUS’s proposals for a graduate tax, and taked about the need for a national bursary system. He praised Labour’s record on funding Higher Education, and widening participation significantly.

Paul Scriven then pointed out that Paul Blomfield was voicing his own opinions rather than what his party believes.

Mr. Scriven then set out the Liberal Democrats policy of believing in free education and an end to tuition fees. When asked why Nick Clegg had recently talked about dropping the pledge, he insisted that the party agreed with providing free education there was just a question of ‘whether we can do it in one parliament or two’.
He also spoke about his own background and how ‘I began life in a poor family, and after working as a road digger, achieved everything I have due to going back to Higher Education.’ (This section made me think of Little Shop of Horrors ‘Oh, I began life as an orphan, a child of the streets, here on Skid Row…’ – but that’s probably just me.)
He disagreed with NUS’s proposed graduate tax as ‘you’d be paying it off for the rest of your life’. (Which as the NUS blueprint actually suggests it would be paid in instalments over 25 years after graduating, raises the worrying prediction that we’ll all die at around 46.) He also attacked Labour’s target of getting 50% of young people into Higher Education; ‘Where’s that come from. It’s a random figure.’ Wes then pointed out that although they attack the 50% target, the Liberal Democrats are the only main party that won’t commit to funding extra University places. However the Liberal Democrats clearly have the most progressive policy of the three main parties on fees (not that that’s saying much!).

There followed various questions and contributions from the floor, apart from my own about how students could get involved, there were questions to Paul Scriven from people none too happy at Nick Clegg’s seemingly weak commitment to his own party’s policy, and his neglect at not mentioning student support or bursaries.

The debate was then evened up by one man who said ‘I’m 25. My early childhood was blighted by the Thatcher Government, and now I’m in over £20 000 of debt, due to going to University under a Labour Government. I just wonder if the parties are proud of what they’ve done with our education system?’ This drew a sympathetic round of applause.

Spencer Pitfield responded with the curiously cryptic and off-message comment that ‘I know you didn’t like the last Conservative government, and I listen to what people say about the last Conservative government, but the fact is we haven’t had a Conservative Government now for 12 years.’ But then I don’t suppose he’ll win many votes in Yorkshire by praising Thatcher.

Everyone was then attacked by a gentleman from the SWP for not calling for Free Education, and in Wes’ case being a scab for not supporting the University and College Union in industrial action. Aaron Dimbleby eventually quietened him, saying that next time there was a debate he’d invite him to give a speech. Wes then responded saying ‘What I actually said when asked about the prospect of industrial action was that ‘Students need industrial action like a hole in the head’ which is true. I remember the lecturers’ strike in 2006 which caused massive disruption to marking, teaching, and students’ education. I’ll look after my own members first, which is what any Union should do.’ He also laid out how he’d like free education, and believed in it, but he thought calling for it was unrealistic in the current political climate, and would just lead to NUS being sidelined in the debate. This drew applause from most of the audience, whether because the audience contained natural Streeting-sympathisers, or because the SWP et al have become largely irrelevant in the student movement, I’ll leave to others to judge.

Another question was whether Scottish MPs should be allowed to vote on bills with have to do with students in England, which is a very good question, although I did sympathise with Aaron murmuring ‘Can we not get into the West Lothian question…’

Of course there was a lot more said than what I’ve recorded here, which I’ll leave out for reasons of space. Suffice to say I found it a generally interesting debate, and I was sorry when it was wrapped up.

A group of us hung around for a while, chatting and taking advantage of the free wine (appropriately red), and asking the assembled questions important questions, such as ‘Do you remember anyone being killed in Sheffield by an inflatable balloon?’

Some of us, showing shameful disloyalty went down to the Hallam Union bar where we continued the evening in style, and I may have made a fool of myself by having a tad too much to drink. I think a low-point was reached when Aaron and I arrived in Dempsey’s in the early hours of the morning to fine we made up about 50% of the people in there, and – if I remember rightly – while I struggled to sit up straight, Aaron checked Ednet on his Blackberry.

But despite the messy end, and the loss of our globe (let it go Joe…) I think the event was a great success at mobilising students, and keeping the issue of Higher Education funding and fees in the public mind.

Vote Blue Go Clean!

Of all the churning chaldrons of student politics which can be found bubbling away around the country, the University of Manchester Students Union, seems to produce much more passion and poison that most.

I have to admit I did laugh when I read of the latest shot fired in the bitter and interminable war between the on-campus Left and Right, in the form of this campaign launched by the Manchester Conservative Future group.

I trust that David Cameron’s ‘Vote Blue Go Green’ slogan will by taken to heart and all the posters will be recycled rather than incinerated…

No Gentleman ever packs his bag himself!

The journalist Ian Hollingshead has recently published a book called ‘Am I alone in thinking? Unpublished letters to the Daily Telegraph’. The Telegraph (unsurprisingly) gives a preview here, in which he argues that most of the letters are not from angry gout-ridden ex-Colonels of the sort parodied in Private Eye, and that the letters page infact gives a good idea of ‘what the nation is thinking’.

Some of them are however wonderfully beyond parody, such as this gem:

SIR – I find it intensely humiliating to be asked by airport security staff if I have packed my own bag. This forces one to admit, usually within earshot of others, that I no longer have a manservant to do the chore for me. Gentlemen should be able to answer such questions with a disdainful: “Of course not! Do I look like that sort of person?”

Arthur W. J. G. Ord-Hume, Guildford, Surrey

Fraud at Polls: Jacob Defeated!

The results of the Sheffield Students’ Union Council elections are now in, and although I’m sure many fine candidates were elected, I’m sorry to bear news of the forward march of Jacob halted.

Jacob Hunt Stewart, the candidate who stood on an impeccably on-message Labour manifesto, was sadly defeated.
I have no hesitation in saying that his failure to be elected Representative Councillor for Postgraduate Taught Students, represents the greatest set-back for the Labour movement since the fall of the Attlee government.

However, there are some grounds for hope. An examination of the full results shows that Jacob did receive 27 votes. On hearing this I will admit my first question was ‘Who are the other 26?’, but this is surely proof that with a feistier campaign he could have had a serious chance of winning.

Candidate Count1 Count2 Count3 Count4 Count5 Count6 Count7

Chinonso 71 71 71 72 75 89 102
Ezeanyika

Vivek Mota 69 69 70 70 72 77 82

Nicholas
Clare 48 49 52 58 63 68 Excluded

Oleksandra 48 48 50 53 59 Excluded
Drik

Gregory 45 45 47 48 Excluded
White

Jacob 27 28 30 Excluded
Stewat
Hunt (The Labour Party Candidate)

Christopher
Watson 25 25 Excluded

Re-open 7 Excluded
Nominations

Mr. Hunt Stewart commented ‘The real unknown is how I would have done if I’d had a slogan such as ‘Love Labour, Respect Gordon, Vote Jacob’ instead of ‘Love Labour, Love Gordon’ which was maybe asking a bit much’.
He also speculated that many of the votes he did get probably came from International students who were able to vote, and who do like Gordon Brown, and appreciate his achievements in stabilising the world’s financial systems more than ungrateful British students.

This may not be the last we hear of Mr. Hunt Stewart, as having come a respectable 6th place, and won nearly 8% of the vote (enough to keep his deposit), he would probably be in a prime position should he wish, like his esteemed ancestors to seek a career in politics.
One possible scenario would see him applying for selection as a Labour candidate in a more promising seat (prehaps in one of the Engineering Departments which might have a more pro-Labour demographic) at the next election.
He would of course have to enroll on another course to do this, but I think 3 more years at University, doing a course you’ll probably hate is a small price to pay for increasing the Labour Party’s Representation on Students Union Council.

Update: Should make clear that the title is a reference to Citizen Kane, as someone has messaged me to ask if I’m genuinely suggesting that electoral fraud was committed!

Liberal Democrats bigger than Jesus?

I genuinely have nothing against the Sheffield University branch of Liberal Youth, the Liberal Democrat’s student organisation whose (rather retro) website can be found here.

If those members I count as my friends are anything to go by, the organisation is stuffed full of amiable, decent, well-meaning, sometimes worryingly attractive people.

However, one thing they really need to improve is the quality of posters they put up around the Student Union. I saw one a few weeks ago that made me smile, as it consisted of a simple sheet of A4 paper pinned to the wall, with ‘Hate Negative Campaigning? Join the Liberal Democrats!’ typed across it in an unappealing font.
Anyone who knows the Lib Dem’s fearsome reputation for using any tactics necessary to win elections, no matter how grubby might lift an eyebrow at this.

My friend Craig, has now pointed out another wonderful example to me. Politicians are not known for their modesty, but this is possibly the most overblown attempt to promote a candidate I’ve ever seen.

It includes a rather crudely photoshopped picture of the Paul Scriven the Lib Dem candidate for Sheffield Central constituency surrounded by an uneven collage of pictures of great men and women plucked straight from Google Image Search, annotated with the legend ‘These people changed the world…
Now let this man do the same!’

Now Paul Scriven may be a brilliant politician, and a great white hope for the Liberal Democrats, and I should add the one time I’ve met him, I found him perfectly charming, but I think for a Sheffield councillor, to be compared to Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandi, Grace Darling (I think…), Martin Luther King, Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, and Jesus Christ (!) amongst others, smacks of pride before a fall.

I’m also rather surprised that the photo seems to compare him positively to Napolean Bonaparte, a fascinating and brilliant man, but one who also caused suffering to thousands of people, and frequently formulated plans to invade Britain.
I know the Lib Dems support a federal Europe, but this seems to be going too far…

Should Mr. Scriven set up a global religion, win a country independence, row into a storm to save shipwrecked sailors, be awarded a Nobel Prize, lead a civil rights movement, produce a General theory of relativity, become the first black Liberal Democrat President of the United States, or free the slaves in the future I will of course post an apology.

The Wonderful World of Internet Comments

The internet is a funny old place.
As regular readers (or the regular reader – Hi Mum! at least) of this blog will know I’ve long been fascinated by the sort of comments people post on the Internet. There seems to be something about the anonymity avalible on the internet that causes commenters to type things online about people which they’d never dream of saying to their face, and transforms those who are charming, civilised, Doctor Jeckyll types in everyday life, into foul, foaming-at-the-mouth abusive Mr. Hydes when sat in front of a computor screen.

I noticed a good case in point yesterday. Frittering away time on Youtube, I watched this disturbing video of a pram with a one-year-old baby inside rolling under a moving train at Ashburton Station, Melbourne. Amazingly, due to the train driver swifly applying the brake, the child actually escaped with only a small cut to the head. The CCTV video was then released by the Australian train network to remind parents about the importance of safety when taking prams on trains. (Not that this incident was in any way the mother’s fault!)

I then watched this linked video of a young boy sharing his thoughts on the ‘miracle’ with us.

He doesn’t say anything particularly insightful, and I doubt he’s ever going to be elevated to the role of public intellectual on the model of Bertrand Russell et al, but I don’t find anything particularly offensive about the video, although I’m slightly unsure whether its extremely earnest tone is mean to be tounge in cheek.

Then I read the comments…
In the day since in was put up, the video has collected 262 comments. In general, they range from the rabidly ranting, to the merely abusive.

The boy’s admittedly striking resemblance to Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter films is frequently referred to:

‘Ron Weasley!’
‘Ron Weasley…. if you are tht magic.. you should have prevented this….. YOU SCUMBAG!!!!!!’
‘shut the fuck up ron weasley’
‘Ron Weasley!’
‘hahaha you look like ron weasley’
‘Ronalld Weasley!’
‘ron weasleyh, lol video was boring’
‘RON WEASLEY in a way u kinda remind me of him just the face part’
‘Lol looks like Ron Harry potter’
‘omg he does look like ron weasley aye’
‘holly shit its the kid from harry potter’ [Would that be Ron Weasley?]
‘RON WEASLEY’
‘tell me, what’s is like have sex with Hermoine?’
‘zomggg. it’s ron weaslyy!! he is!! he really does exsist!! its just he doesn’t have a british accent. oh a let down. but anyways, hey ron?? where’s harry??’
‘You really like Ron on the Harry Potter movies…’
‘Hows Harry Potter doing dude??’
‘Yeah, he look like Ron from Harry Potter’
‘Shut the fuck up Ron Weasley!’
‘lol, It’s Ron Weasley.’
‘Go wave your magic wand and disappear back to Hogwarts Or get a hair cut.’
‘HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE RON FROM HARRY POTTER’
‘Sorry if this has been said a bajillion times but my god you look like Rupert Grint!’ [No, only 21 times.]

Many comments also speculate about his sexuality, the politer ones saying things like:
‘faggit’
‘Shut up fag!!’
‘Gay’
‘fag’
‘If sucking cock could prevent babies from being pushed in front of trains; this kid would be Superman!’
and ‘Who cares what gay Ron Weasly thinks?’

His ginger hair is also remarked upon:

‘lolol your ginger’
‘Ginger minger’
‘Haha your ginger!’
‘Shutup you ginger cunt’
‘Ginger bastard’
‘Shut up you ginger fag’
‘AHHH GINGER KID WTF KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT OMG thats fucking disgusting’
‘who cares about what you think carrotface.’
‘Ginger minger’
‘Ginger Mop Head.. How far apart are your eyes. You sad Fuck.’
‘was the baby a ginger? cuz the mom was probably trying to kill it if it was’
‘damn ginger kids…always want attention.’ [From someone constantly commenting on Youtube...]

Some of the comments are just rather odd:

‘If its God performing a miracle like i have said before then please throw your baby off that same platform and in the same area. Are u willing to do it or not ?’

‘To me this is a classic case of carelessness. The mother had faced the stroller directly towards the train tracks whilst she hoisted up her pants. People don’t realise that such acts of carelessness happen all the time and many are not so fortunate as to live. She should be punished.’

‘I like your vidoe. Let me know if you ever want to meet three women who want to give a ginger boy a good time!!!!’ [As another commenter says’ HAHAHAHA thats the best... most pedophile like comment ive ever seen!’]

‘And also? Did you hear about the miricle man? Search him up on google. He got in a plane crash. Broke every bone in his body. The doctors said for the rest of his life he could not breath cause his lungs were fucking dust. [I do hope they used those very words. ‘I’m sorry Sir, your lungs are fucking dust.’] Than one night, he tried to breath without his machine. He did breathe.’

But most comments are remarkable, only in the level of their anger and abusiveness. There are far too many to repeat, but to share a small sample:

‘How utterly moronic.’
‘you are stupid ‘
‘You fukin idiot why would you actually think that ANYONE cares what the fuck you think you horrible little ming’
‘Have some issues, loser?’
‘Fuck you…i don’t care!’
‘STFU NOW!’
‘your a fucking idiot. You suck’
‘Die!!!!! Please!’
‘wtf bitch…the mother wasnt orderin tickets..and the baby wasnt in the stroller…watch the video again he fell out dats how he got the bump!! not a cut…damn u fucked up the story u fuckin rednut gay’
‘No one gives a shit what you think’
‘stick to your own views of yank shit, nobody wants to hear a studip red headed yank cunt talking shit he doesn’t even know Remove yourself from the internet NOW you ranga fag’
‘i wish a train hit you ‘
‘Who Care’s For Your Comments U Ginger Fuck’
‘Shut the FUCK-UP!!!!!!! You stupid little bitch. No shit this a miracle. Are you fucking retarded. Get a life, you fag. DICKHEAD’
‘NERD!’
‘Hey…fuck you little guy!’
‘News flash: We. Don’t. Care. About. Your. Opinion.’
‘who gives a fuck about what you think you shit?’
‘Thanks for giving us a play-by-play on the fucking obviously retard…’
‘hey listen up you little red headed shit stain. no one, absolutely no one gives a god damn rats ass what you think about anything. you sound like a god damn moron and dont’ know how to explain how a baby got a cut on the head. go die, your mom would be very pleased
and p.s. she wasn’t buying train tickets you fat sack of shit’
‘Ur a fuk’

As I say I’m fascinated by internet comments and feel they’re a much under-researched sociological phenomenon.

Tabloid outrage over Sheffield’s ‘Urine-gate’

I personally wasn’t aware of the Tabloid storm that has engulfed Sheffield today, until I happened to see the President of Sheffield Hallam Students’ Union, who mournfully told me that she had long since stopped answering her phone.

On asking why I was told about the scandal that’s being called Urine-gate. Basically this shocking picture carried by The Sun, The Daily Express, The Mirror, er Classic FM, and just about every other tabloid, says it all.
Apparently Sheffield University’s press office has been inundated with hundreds of angry phone calls, despite the fact that the ‘lout’ in question is a student at Sheffield Hallam.

T-shirts can already be brought proclaiming ‘Sheffield Uni student. The pissing scum are from Hallam.’ (Not endorsed by the University of course.)

Even if the angry callers had got through to the correct University, I’m not really sure what there is for Sheffield Hallam to say, apart from point out that one night of drunkern idiocy shouldn’t eclipse the positive impact students have on the city, the student Philip Laing having already issued what The Sun calls ‘a grovelling apology’. The unfortunate Mr. Laing is also set to appear in court, accused of ‘outraging public decency.’

Although his behaviour was clearly disgraceful, I personally think more questions should be addressed to Carnage, the Company that make large profits from running such rowdy bar crawls.

In the outraged internet reaction to this regrettable incident I have to admit there were a couple of things that made me smile. One was commenters pointing out how ‘comically small’ the box Sky News used to hide his shame was.
The other was this contradictory comment left after an article highlighting the story:

‘This student is a total disgrace. He’s pissing on the memory of those who fought and died so that we have human rights in this country. He should be sent to a specially build torture camp for 6 months, then executed. NO TRIAL!’